my brain hasn’t been working to the best of it’s ability lately. overwhelmed and flustered. stressed and shaken. but hey, isn’t that just life?
I am just a sponge. I absorb for other people.
looking back on it, it is disappointing to realize how sad I have always been. can someone please help me? just something, anything, please one thing that will make me smile. even if it’s just a little bit. a teeny weeny bit? please, anyone. hello? oh fuck it you’re crazy you’re just talking to yourself anyway.
(please understand that these really are journal entries. these are things I write to myself personally. they usually shouldn’t be shared but I like when people understand people. it helps us understand ourselves. sharing our personal thoughts are one way of doing that. understanding.)
I’m on the hunt for the one person I know I am always going to want.
it pulls down on me like a heavy burden. the weight of being, me. I am anti-gravity.
it is not the appropriate time of year for this poem, but I just had the idea for it and needed to get it down.
(you can also read it backwards.)
summer is over
the snow is coming.
I want to live in a place that is night time all the time. my functionality is increased as an individual after the sun is down.
my heart is full of gears
it cranks and turns and steers
I am a smoker addicted to writing.
heaven, what to say, what to say. heaven stems from having a blind faith in something completely and utterly unseen. the belief is something larger than you and I, a higher power if you will. certain types of people among us need this belief or organized religion to find comfort and acceptance in the fact that one day we will all reach our demise. then you have me, I am guilty of mixing something as cold, hard, and undeniable factual and believable as science with something as mysterious and unknown as spirituality. so I ask you now, what is your heaven?
heaven in the Christian faith is the afterlife for the forgiven sinners and believers. walk through the pearly gates on your judgement day. heaven in other religious belief systems is the “waiting room” before reincarnation, the idea that souls are reborn time and again in different forms until what that soul was meant to do is complete. some people don’t believe in Heaven at all.
now for my theory on what heaven is. scientists say that for 12 minutes after you’re dead, when you heart no longer beats, when the blood no longer flows, when external stimulus is no longer being processed and analyzed, your brain still functions. in that 12 minutes of pure subconscious thought and activity, whatever it is in there, whoever you are with, whatever you are doing, wherever you may be, that is your heaven. if you think further into it a dream, which is purely subconscious brain activity, takes a millisecond to flash into your mind but it plays out an entire 8 hour scenario. so now I want you to imagine what 12 minutes of that would feel like. it would be an eternity.